When She Looks Like Jesus Oct 19, 2013 • By Amber Haines

Once she loved me. She had held my face and known me like a mother knows a child: the smirk, the thumb smearing dirt from the face, leaning her forehead into mine. She was with me. She put her hand on my back and prayed for me deep. She made a home for me, served hot bread and good wine, but it’s been a long time.

Our baby has been sick again, and I’ve travelled. I’ve fallen in love with Jesus’ people from all over. Mybrothers and sisters here have had to divide and conquer. I don’t have a group here anymore. On Sunday mornings, I’ve gone back to her, and when she opened the door, she didn’t know my name, and I had a hard time recognizing her face.

I haven’t known how to find my way back home.

—

Waking in the morning, waiting for the coffee, I’m not sure the exact thing that makes me so angry. It feels chronic, like green eyes and Scottish blood. My heart beats like stomping feet. I pour the drink and go to the quiet room for my routine time alone, my quiet time. I’ve said that I’m not afraid anymore. I threw fear off like an ugly coat. I’m afraid my fear turned to anger. I peal it back – down to the anger. Down to the fear beneath. The fear that always, every single time, opposes love.

—

This pilgrim thing is not my favorite part.

I cling to the ones who share my strange taste in music. I cling to those of you who write in the same vein. I touch the spines of my favorite books like pictures of old friends. Once a couple asked why I don’t ever just write what I mean. I cling to you okay with the I-don’t-knows. I keep kilter with the ones who are a little off a rocker, more comfortable on porches with ashtrays and melting ice cubes.

I don’t belong here. I’m the girl from the woods with a Bible in her hand, and I don’t always understand why I don’t much feel at home.

I walk with Jesus, and the more I do, the more homesick I am. Are you a wanderer, too?

—

I have friends who have never understood the struggle with love for church. I’m not sure people understand that I don’t mean THE church. The picture I have of the spotless bride of Christ (she is me), and then that after party? Oh I am so good with that. I love her now and forever. It’s just the going to church thing, like it’s a place on a mountain where God hovers like a cloud.

Church is not what happens on Sunday mornings, is it? Is it?

Maybe it is. Maybe that’s a big part of it. Maybe I wanted it to be the whole. Maybe I wanted Sunday mornings to mean nothing at all.

—

If a hammered dulcimer plays, you can guarantee that my husband and I are about three seconds from a good lip quiver, because hammered dulcimers sound like Rich Mullins, and his music points home. At church, Josh had the dulcimer, and Seth had guitar, and then Shelly put her hands in the air exactly how I know we’ll all be doing when we see Jesus face to face. We were throne-room singing. That’s usually why I go.

When I first sat down, I looked around and saw in the sea of people only two that I know. But next to me were two of the only people of color in the room. At the awkward meet-and-greet part, I couldn’t place her accent, but she’s not from anywhere close to here. I wondered how far away from home she felt, her Spirit-Filled Bible in her lap. I felt close to her.

On my other side came to sit one of our elders, and he is one of those tender-tough ones, looks like he could beat your face in or kiss it – either one. When we sang our Rich Mullins, he might have been deaf for the tones, but he sang like he had written every word. I fell in love with him there, a man who is tender-tough. When I turned to him at the awkward meet-and-greet, he said my name and asked of my sons.

—

I was angry because church hasn’t felt like home in a long time. I’m starting to think it was never meant to feel like home, not any more than Rich’s music and my Mama’s banana pudding. But at church, when I got Titus early from nursery, and I asked the people in the back to pray, he limped his unfed body into mine like he would fall asleep. They gathered around us, and one whispered over us in praise. One said Jesus is Healer; that is His name. One said Seth and I were brought together to bring forth a godly generation. One prayed against the fear and brought the Bible verses out. They put their hands on my back, called me Moses.

Once in a while you find yourself in the arms of your broken church, and she looks exactly like THE church, and THE church looks like Jesus. It’s worth pressing on, going to commune with the homesick ones, going to find a hand to hold, a bag to carry, wine to taste.

I am a pilgrim, and I get so homesick.

Little church, you don’t have to know my name to be beautiful. I just want to see Jesus. Let me be like the child to you.

Suffer me not.

God's Love, Presence, and Rest

Daily Meditation for Thursday 17th of October 2013 

The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.' Then Moses said to him, 'If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.'
Exodus 33:14-15

God promised to be with Moses and to provide him with rest. But no doubt other people had made promises to Moses that were like God's promise. People had promised to be with him but had later abandoned him. So, Moses' fears were not completely vanquished when God promised to be present and to provide rest.

We are like Moses. We are facing a difficult journey. If God goes on ahead and waits for us at the destination, we will never make it. We need God to make the journey with us. We will need God every day. If God does not come, it would better not to go. The dangers are too great. The pain, too overwhelming. We will surely lose our way unless God comes as our guide.

Moses' prayer to God is a good model for us. It is not a sign of doubt or faithlessness to pray for what we need, even if our needs are things which God has already promised to provide. Praying for what we need is good communication. If we are afraid that God will not be faithful, we can share this with God. God will not be shocked. God will not punish. God understands that our capacity for trust has been damaged.

Honestly communicating our fears to God, will build our capacity for trusting God's promises. God has promised to be present with us. And God has promised to provide rest. We will need both to survive the transitions and changes that come with recovery.

Thank you, Lord, for the promise of your presence today.
If you will not go with me,
please don't send me.
Because I can't make it on my own.
The journey is a difficult one.
The path leads through deep valleys.
And, I am sure to lose my way
without your presence to comfort and guide.
Help me to rest today in your promises.
Help me to rest in your loving presence.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Equal

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October 12

Being right

“When we admit that our lives have become unmanageable, we don’t have to argue our point of view....  We no longer have to be right all the time.” Basic Text, p. 58 ––––=–––– Nothing isolates us more quickly from the warmth and camaraderie of our fellow NA members than having to be “right.”  Insecure, we pretend to be some kind of authority figure.  Suffering from low self-esteem, we try to build ourselves up by putting others down.  At best, such tactics push others away from us; at worst, they draw attack.  The more we try to impress others with how “right” we are, the more wrong we become. We don’t have to be “right” to be secure; we don’t have to pretend to have all the answers for others to love or respect us.  In fact, just the opposite is true.  None of us have all the answers.  We depend upon one another to help bridge the gaps in our understanding of things, and we depend upon a Power greater than our own to make up for our personal powerlessness.  We live easily with others when we offer what we know, admit what we don’t, and seek to learn from our peers.  We live securely in ourselves when we cease relying on our own power and start relying on the God we’ve come to understand in recovery. We don’t have to be “right” all the time, just recovering. ––––=–––– Just for today:  God, I admit my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life.  Help me live with others as an equal, dependent upon you for direction and strength.

 

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

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Spiritual Abuse: What it is and Why it hurts by Phil Monroe, Psy.D

Spiritual Abuse: What it is and Why it Hurts

Phil Monroe, Psy.D.

In the 21^st century United States, does spiritual abuse really happen? Can’t we all just choose churches where we feel safe? No one makes us (adults) go to church, so shouldn’t spiritual abuse be nonexistent in this day—or at least happen only once (e.g., fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…)?

Sadly, spiritual abuse happens in all sorts of churches and for all sorts of reasons.

What is spiritual abuse?

Spiritual abuse is the use of faith, belief, and/or religious practices to coerce, control, or damage another for a purpose beyond the victim’s well-being (i.e., church discipline for the purpose of love of the offender need not be abuse).

Like child abuse, spiritual abuse comes in many forms. It can take the form of neglect or intentional harm of another. It can take the form of naïve manipulation or predatory “feeding on the sheep.” Consider some of these examples:

• Refusing to provide pastoral care to women on the basis of gender alone
• Coercing reconciliation of victim to offender
• Dictating basic decisions (marriage, home ownership, jobs, giving practices, etc.)
• Binding conscience on matters that are in the realm of Christian freedom
• Using threats to maintain control of another
• Using deceptive language to coerce into sexual activity
• Denying the right to divorce despite having grounds to do so

For a short review, consider Mary DeMuth’s 2011 post on 10 Ways to Spot Spiritual Abuse.

Why is it so harmful?

If someone demands your wallet, you may give it, but you do not think they have a right to it. You have no doubt that an injustice has occurred. You have been robbed! When someone abuses, it is a robbery, but often wrapped up in a deceptive package to make the victim feel as if the robbery was actually a gift. Spiritual abuse almost always is couched in several layers of deception. Here’s a few of those layers:

•  Speaking falsely for God. Spiritual leaders or shepherds abuse most frequently by presenting their words as if they were the words of God himself. They may not say “Thus sayeth the Lord” in so many ways, but they speak with authority. When leaders fail to communicate God’s words and attitudes, they are called false teachers and prophets. Some of these false words include squelching dissent and concern in the name of “unity.”

• Over-emphasizing one doctrinal point while minimizing another. Consider the example of Paul, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1). In three other places in the NT, Paul says similar phrases. The application is that our leaders are to exemplify the character of Christ. Sadly, it is easy to turn this into “do what I want you to do.” Paul does not say to imitate him. He says to imitate him when he imitates Christ. There are other examples as well: forcing forgiveness, demanding victims of abuse to confront their abusers in private so that they will meet the letter of Matthew 18, and so forth.

• Good ends justifying means. It is a sad fact that many victims of other kinds of abuse have been asked to be silent for the sake of community comfort. Indeed, community comfort is important. But forcing a victim of abuse to be silent and to forego seeking justice is a form of spiritual abuse.

• Pretending to provide pastoral care. I have talked with several pastors who crossed into sexual behavior with those they have been charged to counsel. All too commonly, the pastor deceived himself and other into thinking that the special attention given to the parishioner was love and compassion. In fact, their actions were always self-serving. However, the layer of deception made it feel (to both parties) like love in the beginning stages.

The reason why spiritual abuse hurts so much is that it always fosters confusion, self-doubt, and shame. This recipe encourages isolation, self-hatred, and questioning of God. When shepherds abuse, the sheep are scattered and confused. They no longer discern the voice of the true Shepherd.

This is exactly why the Old Testament and New Testament speak in such harsh terms against abusive and neglectful shepherds (see Ezekiel 34:2; Jeremiah 50:6; John 10:9). Words like, “Woe to you…” and “You blind guides…” reveal that spiritual abuse for any reason is destructive and is not of God. And it gets no harsher than, “Better than a millstone be tied to your neck and thrown into the sea” to illustrate the depth of evil in harming vulnerable people.

 Talk Back: Have you encountered or confronted spiritual abuse in your work as a Christian counselor? Share your thoughts and feedback by leaving a comment below.



Phil Monroe is Professor of Counseling & Psychology and Director of the Masters of Arts in Counseling Program at Biblical Seminary.
retrieved from: http://www.aacc.net/2013/10/07/spiritual-abuse-what-it-is-and-why-it-hurts/ on 10/10/2013

Being ourselves

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September 30

Being ourselves

“Our real value is in being ourselves.” Basic Text, p. 105 ––––=–––– Over and over, we have tried to live up to the expectations of those around us.  We may have been raised believing that we were okay if we earned good grades in school, cleaned our rooms, or dressed a certain way.  Always wanting to belong and be loved, many of us spent a lot of time trying to fit in—yet we never quite seemed to measure up. Now, in recovery, we are accepted as we are.  Our real value to others is in being ourselves.  As we work the steps, we learn to accept ourselves just as we are.  Once this happens, we gain the freedom to become who we want to be. We each have many good qualities we can share with others.  Our experiences, honestly shared, help others find the level of identification they need to begin their recovery.  We discover that we all have special gifts to offer those around us. ––––=–––– Just for today:  My experience in recovery is the greatest gift I can give another addict.  I will share myself honestly with others.

 

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

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The Fourth Step: A fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves:

Thank God for the past & you can trust Him for the future. Trust is a bridge from past to future built with planks of thanks~Ann Voskamp. #1000gifts   September 25, 2013 From Just for Today The Fourth Step - fearing our feelings Page 279 "We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic." Basic Text, p.30   Just for Today: I won't be afraid of my feelings. With the help of my Higher Power, I'll continue in my recovery. A common complaint about the Fourth Step is that it makes us painfully conscious of our defects of character. We may be tempted to falter in our program of recovery. Through surrender and acceptance, we can find the resources we need to keep working the steps. It's not the awareness of our defects that causes the most agony-it's the defects themselves. When we were using, all we felt was the drugs; we could ignore the suffering our defects were causing us. Now that the drugs are gone, we feel that pain. Refusing to acknowledge the source of our anguish doesn't make it go away; denial protects the pain and makes it stronger. The Twelve Steps help us deal with the misery caused by our defects by dealing directly with the defects themselves. If we hurt from the pain of our defects, we can remind ourselves of the nightmare of addiction, a nightmare from which we've now awakened. We can recall the hope for release the Second Step gave us. We can again turn our will and our lives over, through the Third Step, to the care of the God of our understanding. Our Higher Power cares for us by giving us the help we need to work the rest of the Twelve Steps. We don't have to fear our feelings. Just for today, we can continue in our recovery.

Just for Today: I won't be afraid of my feelings. With the help of my Higher Power, I'll continue in my recovery.



A Man of Sorrows

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Isaiah 53:3
Many people have the impression that good Christians are happy, joyful, victorious people. In this fantasy, good Christians are people whose problems seem to vanish when they trust God and pray about it. Unaffected by the pain of life, these relentlessly cheerful people read the Bible, sing praise songs and feel no pain.
Yet Christians are at heart the followers of a man who was named 'man of sorrows.' Jesus was not relentlessly cheerful. He did not practice a mood altering, pain-numbing religion. He grieved. He wept. He was familiar with suffering. Our God is a God who knows suffering. God grieves.
In those times when we shame ourselves for our sorrow, it can be an enormous encouragement to remember that God is personally familiar with grief. If God grieves, we can expect to do the same.
God, you surprise me again!
When I grieve, I think that if I could just cheer up,
you would be pleased.
But, you grieve also.
Man of Sorrows you are acquainted with sorrow.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for grieving.
Help me to experience your presence in my time of grief.
Amen.
Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan